CINE-CLICHES

The Alternate Reality of the Movies

Selected from Roger Ebert's GLOSSARY

1. LAWS of CARTOON THERMODYNAMICS 2. The Law of Asynchronous Sleep 3. Prison Dossier Rule 4. Bartlett's Law 5. Lukewarm Latte Rule 6. Morse Code Rules I & II 7. The Law of Economy of Characters 8. Scenic Route Rule 9. Candles at Wholesale Rule 10. "Tell Me Where You Are And I'll Come And Get You." 11. Pets for the Ethical Treatment of Actors 12. Self-Ringing Steel 13. The 'What About Bob?' Rule 14. Airline Flight Rules 15. Alan Alda Rule 16. Ali MacGraw's Disease 17. All-Seeing Camera 18. Always Use the Valet Parkers 19. Angel Limited-Involvement Rule 20. Anti-Anti-Auto Theft Device 21. Archivist Killer Syndrome 22. As Long As You're Up, Get Me a 2 x 4 23. Auto Autopilot Exemption 24. Automatic Bike Bell 25. Auto Death Knell 26. Automatic Customer Bell 27. Automatic Miss Syndrome 28. Automatic Vest Display 29. Backlit Horizon Phenomenon 30. Barber's Itch Rule 31. Bathroom Rule 32. Because It's Called Sound Effects Rule 33. Big Wet Dog Shakedown 34. Big Wheel Keeps on Turnin' 35. Bilingual Nazi Officer Rule 36. Bloody Fingertip Rule 37. Bloody Steak Rule 38. Breaking Bad News 39. Bullitt Legacy Rule 40. C.P.S Rule 41. Ca-Chuck! Rule 42. Cartop Chases 43. Centered Passenger Rule 44. Checkmate Reflex 45. Chinese Chase Rule 46. Cinematic Ear Drum Phenomenon 47. Dead Man Dancing 48. Cooperative Shooter Rule 49. Contents May Have Shifted Rule 50. Complimentary Dirt Rule 51. Collapsing Staircase 52. Coincidental Lighting 53. Computer Operation by Frenetic Typing 54. Clothes Make the Impostor

55. Climbing Villain Syndrome 56. Cliffhanger Lunge 57. Florence Nightingale Clause 58. Fireball Law of Physics 59. Female Voice Of Destruction 60. Feedback Rule 61. Falling Death Scream Rule 62. Fallacy of the Snarling Beast 63. Fallacy of the Beeping Radar 64. Eyewitness As Prime Suspect 65. Excedrin Toothache No. 1 66. Evil Corporation Rule 67. Eventually Suspicious Unsuspecting Suspect 68. Ethnic Defaults 69. Emergency Tour Guide 70. Economy Class Crashes 71. Dramatic Desk Sweep 72. Dr. Exposition, I Presume 73. Don't Leave Home Without It 74. Doggone It Rule 75. Dispose of carefully 76. Disconnection 77. Disbelief of Suspension 78. Disappearing pedestrian phenomenon 79. Disappearing Nude 80. Deserting Before Dessert 81. Delta H Of Crania 82. Frank Lloyd Sandcastle Syndrome 83. Friendless Orphan Rule 84. Friendly Neighborhood Skies Syndrome 85. Fruit Cart Scene 86. Generic Drinker Syndrome 87. Glowing Dashboard Phenomenon 88. Grace Under Fire Principle 89. Grandstand Play 90. Grenade Chooses Sides 91. Heads Up Rule 92. Hollywood Peace Sign 93. Home Room Syndrome 94. Hot Dog Rule 95. Human Antennas 96. Hungry Harry Rule 97. Hunter's Walk 98. I've got it on tape! 99. Ihnatko's Law Of Voice Recognition 100. Illuminated Hello Rule 101. Instant Wardrobe Rule 102. Jukebox Saturday Night Fights 103. Last Cell Syndrome 104. Law Of Poignant Remnants 105. Law Of Relative Walking Speeds 106. Leaky Specimen Tank Phenomenon 107. Left Behind Rule 108. Let Your Fingers Do the Ripping

109. Listen! It Still Works 110. Locked in Low 111. Lucky Pedestrians 112. Ma Bell, Phone Home 113. Magic Shave 114. More Time to Die 115. Niner Rule 116. Neon Rule 117. Non-Answering Pet 118. Obligatory Nightgown Rule 119. Phantom Photographer 120. Pocket Full of Rye 121. Post-Apocalyptic Mechanical Darwinism 122. Premature Tuneout Rule 123. Relevant Telephone Syndrome 124. Rover, Dead Rover Rule 125. Rule of Loose 6's and 9's 126. Screech In Time 127. Self-Help Lane 128. Self-Orchestrating Piano 129. Send In The Clones 130. Senseless, Self-Destructing Gizmos 131. Silent Death Rule 132. Skills by Osmosis 133. Slam, Bam, Thank You, Continuity Man! 134. Sliding Heroine Scale 135. Smudge-Proof Screen Kiss 136. Solo Cardboard Box Rule 137. Space Alien Rule 138. Sparks and Steam Factory 139. Stealth Helicopters 140. Strafing panic syndrome 141. The 8-mm. Omen 142. The Answering Machine Pickup Rule 143. The Aquariumcam 144. The Cigarette Fling 145. The Dorm Hall Pay Phone Exception 146. The Healing Bathtub 147. The L-Shaped Groom 148. The Mummy's Other Curse 149. The Other Weather Channel 150. The Silent Battlefield 151. Third-Person Memory Phenomenon 152. Three-Bill, No Change, Five-Second Rule 153. Throw 'em Back Syndrome 154. Time Waits For No Director 155. Two Taps Means Go Rule 156. Unheld Peace Rule 157. Upper Shelf Rule 158. Viewable Remains Regulation 159. Visiting Hours Factor 160. Watch Your Step Rule 161. What Sort of Oysters? Rule 162. Wrong Twin Maxim 163. X-Ray Driver